VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

I’ve been thinking about how to write this for weeks. Maybe (definitely) months. Honestly, I’ve rewritten this post more times than I care to admit. But after deep reflection, several cups of coffee (IYKYK,) and one very dramatic stare out a rainy window, I’m finally ready. Big changes are coming to my massage practice.

If you’ve been with me for a while, you know I’m constantly learning—new techniques, updated research, better ways to support you and your body. I love what I do. I love helping people feel better. I love seeing someone walk out of the treatment room standing a little taller, breathing a little deeper, and maybe even believing that their muscles aren’t personally plotting against them. But lately… something’s been shifting. A calling. A whisper. A nudge from the universe saying, “Casey, it’s time for the next chapter.” And after months of inner alignment, outer alignment, and questionable decisions made after midnight, I’m ready to share it:

I am transitioning my massage business into a fully hands-free practice.

Yes. Hands-free. Zero contact. Not a single fingertip. Not even a pinky.

The Future of Massage Is Here: Energetic Proximity Therapy™

Some practitioners use tools. Some use oils. Some use years of experience, anatomical knowledge, and technique. I will be using the power of nearby-ness.

Energetic Proximity Therapy™ (EPT—patent pending, obviously) is my revolutionary approach where I stand in your general vicinity (approximately 4–6 feet away) and encourage your muscles to relax using gentle words, dramatic hand motions, and what I believe is a very convincing aura.

A Typical Session Will Include:
You laying on the table fully relaxed
Me standing beside you, looking supportive
Occasional slow-motion waving motions with my hands
Whispered affirmations such as:
“You are safe to release, dear upper traps…”
“IT band, you no longer need to be the villain.”
“Glutes… please stop clenching in emotional distress.”
Sometimes I may close my eyes and nod as though I’m communicating with your muscles telepathically. Sometimes I may pace the room thoughtfully so your tension feels seen. Every movement is intentional. Every step is therapeutic. Every moment is infused with what I can only describe as "deep, meaningful nearby-ness."

Specialty Service Add-Ons:
To enhance your EPT experience, I’ll also be offering:
Sciatica Shame Therapy: I stand behind your hip and shake my head disapprovingly until your piriformis gets its act together.
TMJ Whisper-Wrangling: I verbally soothe your jaw from across the room like it's a skittish horse that’s had one too many stressful meetings.
Infant Support: I greet your baby respectfully and offer calming vibes, like a Victorian aunt who brought a polite gift of lavender.
Infant Massage (Hands-Free Edition): I demonstrate techniques using interpretive shadow puppetry while your baby stares at me in utter confusion.
Deep Tissue (But Make It Emotional): Instead of pressure, I apply intense eye contact toward the problem area. It usually folds under the pressure of being judged and releases immediately.

What Clients Are Saying (totally real, not at all invented):
“I didn’t feel any physical change, but I emotionally felt… witnessed?”—Person Who Definitely Exists.
“Casey didn’t touch me once, and somehow I still felt like I needed to tip.”—A Loyal Client Who Frequently Forgets Their Water Bottle
“10/10 would relax near Casey again.”—Anonymous (jk, it was Alexis, my sister)

Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: Casey, are you okay?
Yes. Probably. Maybe.
Q: Does this replace real massage therapy?
Absolutely. Touch is overrated. Vibes are the future.
Q: Is this covered by insurance?
If they don’t recognize EPT yet, they will. Eventually. Possibly. Maybe.
Q: Will my tension actually go away?
Emotionally, yes. Physically… results may vary depending on your belief in interpretive movement.
Q: Should I be concerned?
Depends on how far into this post you’ve read.

My Deepest Gratitude:
Thank you to all my clients who have trusted me, supported me, and allowed me to experiment with completely made-up modalities in my office while I “researched” this life-changing technique. This new era feels right. It feels aligned. It feels like the future of wellness.

And One More Thing…
… Happy April Fools. Don’t worry, I’m absolutely, wholeheartedly still doing actual massage therapy with actual hands and actual pressure on actual muscles.
No whispering, no pacing, no interpretive dance. (Unless requested. Then we can negotiate.)
I’ll see you on the table, the normal way.